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I dug my own grave

I always have dreams almost every night (falling or jumping from high places, losing all my teeth,  dreaming of being late at school, etc) but this dream is different. It's like I’m aware I’m dreaming but there’s nothing I can do to wake up or to make it stop. I was 15 or 16 at the time. I was in a boarding house near my school and I have 4 roommates. The 4 of us share the same room, the room has 2 bunk beds. We have our own restroom and a kitchen. For 4 - 5 days I keep on dreaming of my college Professor whom I dislike. He is so bossy and loves to order us around to do things that are not school related. In my dream, he’s shouting at me and ordering me to carry different things. On the first night, I was carrying a lot of books. Next night I was carrying garden tools like a shovel, watering can, gloves, and plant seeds. This continued for 2 - 3 nights and every time I woke up my arms hurt and they were shaking as if I carried heavy stuff. I am so confused why am I dreaming of him!

Now you hear me whine(Short Poem)

I have food to eat
cloths to wear.
People to cherish 
and a home to live in
but still...
I have this longing...
I want to do something.
I want to be somebody
I want to go somewhere
BUT 
I don't have any idea,
what?
how? and
where?
I want to explore and be a different thing 
something important...
something useful...

I want to rage and be anything, I want to be
and yet...
 my life has no direction
no specific reason on why I am here
and I can't find the answer
as if I'm glued on a bottomless pit


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