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I dug my own grave

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I always have dreams almost every night (falling or jumping from high places, losing all my teeth,  dreaming of being late at school, etc) but this dream is different. It's like I’m aware I’m dreaming but there’s nothing I can do to wake up or to make it stop. I was 15 or 16 at the time. I was in a boarding house near my school and I have 4 roommates. The 4 of us share the same room, the room has 2 bunk beds. We have our own restroom and a kitchen. For 4 - 5 days I keep on dreaming of my college Professor whom I dislike. He is so bossy and loves to order us around to do things that are not school related. In my dream, he’s shouting at me and ordering me to carry different things. On the first night, I was carrying a lot of books. Next night I was carrying garden tools like a shovel, watering can, gloves, and plant seeds. This continued for 2 - 3 nights and every time I woke up my arms hurt and they were shaking as if I carried heavy stuff. I am so confused why am I dreaming of him!
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Why me?(Short Poem)

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You've fallen in love once to a petite girl with straight hair.
You are once loved, cherish, and was indeed promise of forever.

You are the kindest, most loving  I ever met. 
I fell and I was caught by your arms, in one split second I was in the safest place
and the most romantic one. 

Weeks have passed after meeting you. 
I must say, I'm madly, deeply in love every day. 

The day came you proposed,
that you want to try the promise
 of forever with me. 

I was shocked and my heart palpitates continuously.
As days go by with you, I felt I don't deserve you. 
You are young, handsome and I was the total opposite of you
but still, you kept on showing, 
that I'm the only girl for you. 

You are charming - no doubt.
That's why being beside you makes me feel awkward at times.
I want to be with you and away from you at the same time.
Having you is the best and worst feeling of all.

The best because I love you more than anything in the world. 
The worst, I can't think of having you for the rest of my life.

The feeling wants me to explode in happiness and anxiety
kept on waking up in the middle of the night
kept on asking of all the girls you've known 
Why me?





This is dedicated to  'A'.  Thanks for sharing your love story with me. 

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