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Showing posts from May, 2020

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I dug my own grave

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I always have dreams almost every night (falling or jumping from high places, losing all my teeth,  dreaming of being late at school, etc) but this dream is different. It's like I’m aware I’m dreaming but there’s nothing I can do to wake up or to make it stop. I was 15 or 16 at the time. I was in a boarding house near my school and I have 4 roommates. The 4 of us share the same room, the room has 2 bunk beds. We have our own restroom and a kitchen. For 4 - 5 days I keep on dreaming of my college Professor whom I dislike. He is so bossy and loves to order us around to do things that are not school related. In my dream, he’s shouting at me and ordering me to carry different things. On the first night, I was carrying a lot of books. Next night I was carrying garden tools like a shovel, watering can, gloves, and plant seeds. This continued for 2 - 3 nights and every time I woke up my arms hurt and they were shaking as if I carried heavy stuff. I am so confused why am I dreaming of him!
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Part 4: Long journey to recovery

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Previously... Part 3 Part 2 Part 1 I thought the first day of waking up after the surgery was the worst part of it but it's not the worst part is the next day where they removed the painkiller bag attached to my IV. I can now feel 3x the pain. I'm having a lot of difficulties laughing, coughing, sneezing, sitting, standing, and walking. Feels like being 80 years old in your mid-20's. To make everything worse I still have di arrhea. I feel so weak, I still feel chills every now and then. After almost 48 hours, I can finally drink and enjoy my first meal consists of water, soup, tea, and gelatin. Finishing the meal is hard to accomplish given that I'm a person who loves eating. As per the nurse, my appetite will take a week to return but no need to hurry up. What's important is there are no complications. To make sure there's no infection they always check  Jackson-Pratt_drain  and I'm also given 2 kinds of anti-biotic that sting whenever
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Old dream on my notes

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I dreamt about wolves. As I remember it clearly it starts like this... There was a small town in an island that celebrate town  fiesta  and it will be held in the mountain. A news spread that we can't eat during the  fiesta  because wolves will hunt and eat whoever consume a dish. Few villagers believe the news, the majority did not.  Suddenly everything went dark, wind blew hard, lightning and thunderbolts everywhere. Too late to stop the  fiesta now ,  also   most of us already ate before going to the mountain.  I remember I was with my youngest sister and we are part of a family with 5 other kids ---  this time I know I'm dreaming because it's impossible for my sister to be up in the mountains. My sister is special child (autistic), she can't walk far and can't even climb up or down the stairs without me carrying her on my back.  Aside from my younger sister Dianne all of the people on my dreams are faceless or maybe they aren't.
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Part 3: The cut

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Part 2 Part 1 It’s 10:15pm, I was laying on the bed while the nurse was pushing my bed towards the Operating room. My heartbeat is racing, I’m not sure if I’m scared or excited about this incident.  I can’t stop thinking is this it? Is this the end? What will happen to me after this?  I’ve been on sick leave (SL) for more than a week and after the surgery will surely extend for several more weeks and I only have 16 VL/SL left. I’m thinking will my health card cover this procedure? Or I’ll need to ask for money from my mom? Too many questions that I can’t answer, all I can do is cry. Soon we arrived in the operating room. The moment I entered the room everything was in slow motion the anesthesiologist was talking to me but I’m having difficulty in understanding. The next thing I know I was given spinal anesthesia. --- -I thought it would hurt a lot but wooooh! it did not.  The next thing I know was waking up with an oxygen mask and brown stain on my patient'
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Two hearts

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Which heart do you have? the heart that beats or the heart that loves? or maybe both... while it beats it also loves and while it loves it also breaks... but which heart can do more good the heart that beats but doesn't love or the heart that loves but also breaks? thus the heart just too scared and weak to let it just beat or is it to practical to just let it beating thus the heart to showy not to be contented in just beating that it also wants to love? or is it just too strong to take the risk to fall in love without any assurance of being catch. whether it loves or breaks the most important thing is.....  it BEATS!!! beats to live... AND to live means to change... on how the story of your heart ends. whether to love or to break or simply beat...
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Part 2: The ride continues

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Click here to check part 1 When the bleeding stops I thought everything will be back to normal but I was wrong. Yes, the bleeding and cramps stop however my stomach is so bloated I can’t even fart. I can’t also poop, I thought it's just indigestion which happens to me most of the time. This is different. I'm starting to feel intermittent stabbing pain in my stomach. --- Is this gastroenteritis? I ignored the pain and just continued with my daily quarantine life. I sleep most of the time, I wake up to take a bath, to cook food or to wash the dishes. I woke up one afternoon sweating and having chills. I told Levin (my live-in partner) that I don’t feel good, he checked my temperature and it’s 38.1C. (On my mind) Is this Corona? Then I remembered everything that happened 2 days ago. I know death is inevitable but I don’t want to die now. Levin humorously said “Oooh, Corona” I looked him dead in the eye and he just laughed and said you don’t have a cough or a cold you’ll
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A poem for a friend

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How I wish I could do the things I never did... how wish I could say the words I never said... maybe there will be a change on how your story end... If there is only someone or something that can bring you back to the living... I'll find a way to talk and do something... even the price is being curse till my last breath I'll do it... because your a friend that is so precious to me... but sadly no one could, even the wealthiest man existing... that's why this is the part where my heart, soul and mind collide... thinking about my idiocy of running away when your around... while your memories being reminisced... my heart is being rip piece by piece...  --- This poem is about my college friend that died 10 years ago. The story goes like this.  My friend ask me to go out with him but I ignored him then next thing I know he was murdered by a group of people 2 women and 1 man. Based on the police investigation it was a mistaken identity. Until today I still think wh
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Part 1: A roller coaster ride with Covid on the side

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I had this blog for a while but this is the first time I’m going to share something about my personal life. As we all know, everyone is affected by the ongoing pandemic. But the story I’m going to share is not about that - ish. It’s about what I experienced last month, April 2020. It all started when I got a monthly period --- nothing new about that. What's strange is that it took more than 10 days than the usual 5 - 7 days and the cramps I’m experiencing are getting worse everyday. On the 11th day of my bleeding, my live-in partner insisted on going to the hospital. After several hours of convincing I finally agreed to him. I promise him we’ll go tomorrow morning (April 22, 2020) -- since it's already 7pm at the time (we don’t have a car) and due to Covid-19 we have a curfew of 8pm. In the morning we posted a car request on a Facebook page --- and it’s so expensive 3x the usual price but it’s okay everyone needs ways to get money since everything was closed. We arr
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Does good things happen to good people?

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Does good things happen to good people? That's always my question when I was younger. My mom always tells me that do good and people will do the same --- yes, I believed that and guess what? Not all good things happen to good people. If you observe society most of the rich people are not that nice. They only look nice because they donate to charities and such. But if you investigate how they got there you’ll be amazed how many people they used, ass-kissing they've done in order to get there. Some people agree that not good things happen to good people but on their defense its good to do good. Yeah, somehow right. Maybe if you are doing good to those people that are sincere and really need it. It will feel good but most of the times you gave everything and its still not enough and will never be enough specially to those people that only wants to use you and don't care at all. They continue asking for more, taking more without giving anything in return these are t
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