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I dug my own grave

I always have dreams almost every night (falling or jumping from high places, losing all my teeth,  dreaming of being late at school, etc) but this dream is different. It's like I’m aware I’m dreaming but there’s nothing I can do to wake up or to make it stop. I was 15 or 16 at the time. I was in a boarding house near my school and I have 4 roommates. The 4 of us share the same room, the room has 2 bunk beds. We have our own restroom and a kitchen. For 4 - 5 days I keep on dreaming of my college Professor whom I dislike. He is so bossy and loves to order us around to do things that are not school related. In my dream, he’s shouting at me and ordering me to carry different things. On the first night, I was carrying a lot of books. Next night I was carrying garden tools like a shovel, watering can, gloves, and plant seeds. This continued for 2 - 3 nights and every time I woke up my arms hurt and they were shaking as if I carried heavy stuff. I am so confused why am I dreaming of him!

A poem for a friend

How I wish I could do the things I never did...
how wish I could say the words I never said...
maybe there will be a change on how your story end...

If there is only someone or something that can bring you back to the living...

I'll find a way to talk and do something...
even the price is being curse till my last breath I'll do it...
because your a friend that is so precious to me...

but sadly no one could, even the wealthiest man existing...

that's why this is the part where my heart, soul and mind collide...
thinking about my idiocy of running away when your around...

while your memories being reminisced...
my heart is being rip piece by piece... 





--- This poem is about my college friend that died 10 years ago.

The story goes like this. 

My friend ask me to go out with him but I ignored him then next thing I know he was murdered by a group of people 2 women and 1 man. Based on the police investigation it was a mistaken identity.

Until today I still think what if I went out with him? Possible that he's still alive today or maybe I'm also dead. To many what if's but it's a burden to bear.

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