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I dug my own grave

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I always have dreams almost every night (falling or jumping from high places, losing all my teeth,  dreaming of being late at school, etc) but this dream is different. It's like I’m aware I’m dreaming but there’s nothing I can do to wake up or to make it stop. I was 15 or 16 at the time. I was in a boarding house near my school and I have 4 roommates. The 4 of us share the same room, the room has 2 bunk beds. We have our own restroom and a kitchen. For 4 - 5 days I keep on dreaming of my college Professor whom I dislike. He is so bossy and loves to order us around to do things that are not school related. In my dream, he’s shouting at me and ordering me to carry different things. On the first night, I was carrying a lot of books. Next night I was carrying garden tools like a shovel, watering can, gloves, and plant seeds. This continued for 2 - 3 nights and every time I woke up my arms hurt and they were shaking as if I carried heavy stuff. I am so confused why am I dreaming of him!
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Part 2: The ride continues

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Click here to check part 1

When the bleeding stops I thought everything will be back to normal but I was wrong. Yes, the bleeding and cramps stop however my stomach is so bloated I can’t even fart. I can’t also poop, I thought it's just indigestion which happens to me most of the time.

This is different. I'm starting to feel intermittent stabbing pain in my stomach. --- Is this gastroenteritis? I ignored the pain and just continued with my daily quarantine life. I sleep most of the time, I wake up to take a bath, to cook food or to wash the dishes.

I woke up one afternoon sweating and having chills. I told Levin (my live-in partner) that I don’t feel good, he checked my temperature and it’s 38.1C. (On my mind) Is this Corona? Then I remembered everything that happened 2 days ago. I know death is inevitable but I don’t want to die now.

Levin humorously said “Oooh, Corona” I looked him dead in the eye and he just laughed and said you don’t have a cough or a cold you’ll be fine. My temperature continues to change 38.1C, 37C, 36.5C back to 38C. This continued for the next 3 days together with the stabbing pain in the left side of my stomach. It's so bad that it hurts getting up and standing straight ---when I thought things couldn’t get any worse I got diarrhea.

I’m so scared to go back to the hospital --- I might catch the virus, I’m afraid to be quarantined and die alone. I can’t stop overthinking, what if I already have the virus and It just so happened that I don’t have a cough and cold? Too many what ifs on my mind and I just started crying.

After 4days of overthinking and agony we went back to the hospital. I can no longer walk, the nurse put me in a wheelchair and sent me to the isolation room where only patients and nurses wearing PPE can enter. A series of tests were conducted. They mostly pushed my stomach and it hurts a lot.  Xray, MRI, CBC, Urine and stool tests are also conducted. Since I have diarrhea I was given an IV to keep me hydrated. I was sitting on the wheelchair and my stomach hurt a lot as if it wanted to burst. I want to go to the restroom but I'm too shy to ask a nurse to help me.

I endure the pain and the eagerness to go to the restroom to unload.

After 30 mins inside the isolation area I was sent to monitoring room 5 to rest and wait for the MRI results.
From there Levin is free to sit beside my bed. He bought some food and drinks with him. I'm hungry and a bit dehydrated but was advised that I cannot eat or drink. --- It felt like dying inside seeing him eat and drink.

After several hours, I was notified that what I’m experiencing "might" be Appendicitis they’re not sure yet because the left side of my stomach hurts instead of the right side where the appendix is located.

It was 8pm at the time, the doctor immediately scheduled me for an operation for 10pm. Instead of the normal appendectomy they will perform exploratory appendectomy. --- means bigger cut, instead of a small horizontal cut it will be a long vertical one.

I can’t help but cry. I know this is just appendicitis but the fact that someone will cut me open and explore my insides is not a good experience.

I started telling Levin my bank accounts, passwords, where to locate the important documents that needed for the house that I bought for my mom and the life insurance Policy Data Page. --- Yeah, I’m telling him this information as if I’m not going to survive the surgery.

All of a sudden it’s 10PM…

PS: I haven’t told my mom.

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